Unblocking our creativity and flow
Overcoming our fear and paralysed will
My overwhelming desire for change overcame my inner feelings of anger, rage, grief, loss and guilt that had me burned out. The old way was dead, I just HAD to find a new way.
But I was paralysed. I had fear about what that would mean.
I was fighting myself to hang on to my old identity because I didn’t want to give that up. I was addicted to my ancestral family drama of being the warrior-archetype that rescued others and to the illusion that someone that I saved would then save me.
In 2018 a friend came back from two weeks in Bali where she learned the art of emotional clearing and spiral dynamics. Her passion was ignited in a way I hadn’t seen in years of knowing her since we first learned neuro-linguistic programming together in Sydney in 2010. Her passion and zest for life ignited me and I so badly desired to learn whatever she had learned to ignite her soul.
So I chose to get right out of my comfort zone and work on my unconscious emotions. And it was amazing, in the very first session we cleared shame, guilt and anger - and then in the second session we cleared fear, paralysed will and grief.
My sleep was disturbed by vivid dreams for two or three nights each week as I integrated. And I felt lighter, like my burden of self-doubt and self-recrimination had been lifted. By the end of the emotional clearing through the seven levels of spiral dynamics, I was no longer trapped by my emotions and I had felt them, integrated and accepted them.
I KNEW I could find a new way because I was connected to my emotions, to my body and to my soul. And once I’d unblocked my ability to receive, I landed an amazing new job in Singapore.
When I first got to Singapore, the global pandemic had kicked off and the fear and anxiety was through the roof. It was so intense you could almost taste it. Within four weeks the city was locked down, and I was on my own in a small apartment with no family and friends.
The first salary payment lifted my financial fears and the second one gave me the sense of confidence and freedom.
Despite being locked down on my own for the first time in seven years, I felt a true sense of expansion and freedom to create. And I wanted to learn how to become an emotional clearing professional.
My friend who had taken me through the emotional clearing said to me, I’ve signed up to write a book in one week. With the confidence that a second salary payment had given me, I booked two weeks leave. The first to write a book in a week, and the second week to learn emotional clearing.
I didn’t realise it at the time, but the seven day book writing retreat I had joined was also structured using emotional clearing and spiral dynamics. The first day of the retreat was heavy work as we created a book map, and in doing so we cleared the shame and guilt around writing. The second day we engaged with writer’s block and we cleared the paralysed will, fear and grief around writing. I had written 37,000 words but I still had no idea what my first book was going to be about. During my sleep the integration landed and I woke up with the realisation that the book was going to be about my grandmother.
I jumped onto the 2am coaching call with the Canadian team to talk about it, and then feverishly started to write. Clearing the emotions of fear, paralysed will and grief opened up the floodgates and the creative flow rushed out completely unconstrained. By the end of the week I had put aside 17,000 words for later books and written another 23,000. And I had my first manuscript all about my grandmother “Angry-as-F*** but no idea why?”
What my writing also gave me was insight into all the ancestral family drama that I had inherited. And I wrote another two books using all the material I had, with each book being anchored to a point on the drama triangle. Nietzsche once said “When you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.”
Each book was an abyss of my own darkness and in doing the writing of the books, I also got to understand the identity patterns that were driving me. In essence, the books rewrote my identity by making the darkness visible - the aggressor consciousness, the saviour consciousness and the victim consciousness. The biggest breakthrough in looking into my own darkness though book writing is that I got to understand that I had been projecting the love for my grandmother and my own desire to save my grandmother from her anger into my relationships. That I had chosen partners who were as equally damaged as I, with similar ancestral histories, because from my upbringing I thought that was normal.
We have to ask ourselves:
Where are we blocked from creating new perspectives on our careers and businesses?
What are we actively avoiding talking about in our relationships?
Where are we afraid to go when it comes to our own emotional wellbeing?
Clearing the emotions that block our creative flow is the gateway to getting our shit sorted out and creating delicious adventures.