Our bodies are an expression of our unconscious and we have to learn to listen-to and trust our unconscious
It is our lack of connection to our bodies that stops us from hearing our inner voice. We are deaf to ourselves.
Most of us drive a car, without even thinking about it. We just trust the muscle-memory to do its job when steering and braking. The same goes for breathing. We are constantly two to three minutes away from death from oxygen starvation for our entire lives, yet most of the time we don’t consciously think about our breathing.
The core of emotional clearing is learning to trust our own bodies to guide us to the unconscious emotions that we need to clear. It is our lack of connection to our bodies that stops us from hearing our inner voice of our unconscious. We are deaf to ourselves, and when that happens our bodies find a way to get our attention. We get sick and we get burned out.
The thing was - 2018 wasn’t the first time I had burned out. It was a repeating pattern of crises that I was creating in my own life.
I didn’t have that vision that what I truly needed was to build an authentic deep connection to myself, as the foundation stone to my healthy expansion.
The first time I got to burnout, I was right at the end of my tether. I was angry-as-f***, but I didn’t know why? Have you ever been really angry and you didn’t know why? Have you ever accidentally directed that anger at a loved one in pure frustration? Have you ever been conscious of doing it and at the same time been unable to stop yourself?
At that time, in 1999, I was sitting there with my head in my hands and my heart in my throat, thinking ‘what am I going to do?’ I knew my marriage was over long before it actually ended. However, I was hanging in there for the kids. What would happen to the kids? I didn’t want to let them down. And at the same time I was dying. Not just emotionally, but I almost died physically too.
The doctor looked at me square in the eyes and paused, then he spoke.
“You are thirty-two years old Justin, and you’ve got double-pneumonia. It’s an old-man’s disease. What the fuck have you been doing?”
You’ve got to love the doctors in New Zealand - they give it to you straight, like a slap across the head with a cold wet fish. I sat there like a stunned-mullet, and the words just tumbled out of my mouth, in a completely unfiltered unconscious desire. I asked the doctor, “Can I get a divorce on prescription?”
The doctor laughed out loud, he thought I was joking. I wasn’t joking. I couldn’t keep living a lie.
My physical, emotional and mental health was teetering close to the edge of the abyss and I realised I had to make some changes and fast. I wasn’t experiencing the intimacy I wanted and craved in my relationship. Instead of my creativity being sparked and my heart expanding, I could feel myself self assurance shrivel and shut down under the pressure to be a certain way. And I was angry and I was blaming myself and anyone else around me. Classic victim consciousness - without being conscious of it.
My body had found a way to let me know that the situation was killing me.
The power struggles in my intimate relationship had me constantly feeling guilty and I could feel an emotional wall being silently erected around my heart. I realised I was not the only one hurting. As I looked around me others were hurting too.
And I realised as if it was some great epiphany that I was the only one that could heal my own heart, and that no-one was coming to rescue me. I knew then that “I was done” and that set me on the path to my first divorce in 2000.
It ALSO set me on a path of personal development and a quest to learn all I could about human behaviour and emotions. After my second divorce, when I started to write in 2017, my motivation was clear. At that time I thought that “If I could help one man from harming himself or someone else then it would be worthwhile.”
What I didn’t realise until 2019 as I learned about emotional clearing and unconscious family drama - is that not only was I repeating behaviours, I was unconsciously repeating inherited patterns of family drama by being angry and blaming everyone around me.
We have to ask ourselves:
Where are we repeating behaviours that create crises in our health and wellbeing?
Where is our body trying to tell us that we’re on the wrong track in our career or investments?
Where in our relationships have we been living with the belief that someone is going to rescue us?
We trust our bodies to keep us alive in risky situations all the time.
Only then can we truly open our hearts to ourselves, and be willing to receive.